Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Poetry as Oppression

The thought of a month of poetry has turned
This morning from the

    Joyful Anticipation

of yesterday, to the

    Crushed Oppressive Dread

of today.

Oh yes.  I remember now.  I remember my life-
long victim's plea to be loved.  Look at me!
Look what I can do!  Now you will see!
Love me.

It always leads to failure,
It always leads to despair,
To a frozen inability to perform,
And a sad paralyzing depressive dread,
That brings the terrifying life-denying prediction to life.

But, but, but, but I know it will be different.
I know I don't have to, I might not, oh, why
did I say I would do it.

Everyone will see.

Everyone will know.

Oh no.


  1. Ai ai ai , I relate! ---But I didn't tell anyone I was gonna do it. Guess you're braver. :)

    1. lol! You did now! I'm not sure if brave is the word. Almost every thing I do is motivated by fear. I've just gotten to a point where my meta fear that I will always let me fear stop me from everything is triumphing right now. Plus lots of yoga and meditation.

  2. Ah, yes, the poetry dread. It's not easy putting one's work out there for all to see!

    1. You've sure got that right. I can't stand not putting it out either. I don't know what to do!

  3. Oh yes. It gets easier, esp. in company. I hope you have a writer's peer group to meet with for mutual encouragement. Priceless.

    1. I wish I had a writer's peer group too, but I don't connect well with people. Long ago I learned to have a pleasant even humorous facade that makes a lot of people think I'm well socialized, but I'm not. I really don't understand social interactions and when I think someone might be acting like they want to be acquaintances or friends I can't tell if they mean it. It's the fun of Asperger's. I always assume that people don't really want me around. It's safer than thinking they do and then finding out they don't, especially when I have a hard time telling. I always feel like the kid watching through the window. Hmmm. There might be a poem there. If there is, you inspired it, thanks:)

  4. I think you captured the "yay I get to write! On no people are going to pay attention!" fear. Have you ever read any of Gretchen Leary's poetry? I think you may like it.

    1. No, I don't think I have. I just noticed I'm to late to make it to mass this morning so now I have an extra hour! Yay! I'll go on the interthingy and try to find some now.