Thursday, December 31, 2015

Some Times

Sometimes women let me know
That they think that we should
Hook up.

They see something in me.
They think that we are a fit.

But my belief is,
Built on all of my experience,

Is that when they know me,
They will throw me away.

They will throw me away.

You can imagine that,
Based on that,

I have no willingness to try.
I have no willingness to try.

Risk Is A Struggle

You give to me you curriculum vitae:
You take care of the homeless
You have a good good heart.

But still I struggle
    To chance,
        To risk.

I do not know you,
And a lifetime of all my taken risks
Has taught me that no one really cares
And that everyone lies.

If my struggle to trust and to believe
Is too much for you to bear,
If it is too hard,
I am not surprised.

Go with my blessing.
Go with my blessing.
Bless you.
Good bye.

I don't know how
To be other than I am.

Friday, December 25, 2015

Christmas Cheer

Trying to endure
This bleak bleak day
Nothing to do.
Everything is closed.
Nowhere to go.
My four walls crush me
Barely existing.
Bare -- ly

        I hope I don't cut.

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

They Do Matter

I just heard someone say
That Black Lives Matter protesters
Were idiots because their protests
Inconvenience people.
They went on to say that the
Protests also sometimes get

I felt like I had suffered
Violence just hearing that.

Blacks are really killed
And beat up
And arrested
All unjustly
Not rarely, or
On occasion, or
It has happened, but
All of the time.
All of the time.

For real.
Get your head out.
Growing up black in America
Means that people treat you
How they want and get
Away with it.
If you don't believe that
Then you are blind.
And also an idiot.

And violence at protests?
Yes, some white supremacists
Opened fire on some peaceful
Black Lives Matter protesters
In Minneapolis who had
The temerity to be protesting
The shooting of young
Jamar Clark who police shot
And killed
Some say
While he wore handcuffs.

The white supremacists
Shot the protesters
Next to the police station.
The police responded by macing
Protesters who were giving
First aid to the shooting victims.

So if you are inconvenienced
By the protests
I hope that you will stop
And listen
And wake up
And say no.
Not in my America.
We stand for something
Better than that here.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015


Possible no
Oh, how I wish


I worry too much
About the rightness of what I do
And then a woman
Maybe she's crazy


Maybe not and
With her umbrella crosswise out
She goes by and
I have to laugh at myself

She knows appearance is
She knows
And my worry sleeps.

Two Women

To see two women

And to see the one –
Larger than life
And to need the other –
Just need her to be mine

And to know the one
Too much for me,
And to know myself
Too little for the other

That is such a lonely thing
A thing of deep felt pain
And still, and still,
How grand to have seen them.

I don't regret.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

I Need

To belong in truth
And right.
And to believe that
Peace has a chance
That we can do it.
I need too.
That there is a better
In everyone.
In everyone.
Yes you party girl.
That you are also deep.
That something is more important
Than drunken bar time hookup.
That justice can be had
That people are good.
That we can be inspired.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

You're Black

I think you are so attractive.
I want you.
I see that you see yourself as black
And that you see yourself as woman
You couldn't possibly do else
I I celebrate that because it is
The you that is you that I want,
I like you.
But I worry.

I don't see you that way.
You are not a thing.
You are not a category.
You are the you that is you to me, but

Will you be able to see me?
Will you be able to see the like in me?
Will you see the admiration in me?
Or will that be coloured by
Your perception of me as white and you as black?
Me as old, you as young.

Image of me, image of you,
Instead of the you and the me
That is in front of you.

The whole world has conspired to make you feel that way.

I think you are so attractive.
I think you are perceptive and smart
I think that having _you_ see, really _see_ me
Would be something really important to me
But here's my fear -- that your pain at the way
The world has treated you all your life
Will shape the way you see me and see you.

You act like you want me, but
We are not of an age
We're in a bar
I am drunk
And so are you.

I am white, you are black.
It is heady for you that I treat you as
I treat any other human
(Isn't that sad that that would seem strange to you?)

You have a good opinion of me because I'm not a dick.
But thinking about how great you think I am will not
Make make up for not knowing a damn thing about me.

I do not believe.
I can not believe
That if you knew the me that is me,
That you would really care.

I _can not_ believe.
No one has _ever_ tried to _really_
Change  my mind.
So it can not be true.

I don't have any judgement of you
Because you have a judgement of me
And of you, but
I do have trouble seeing how you can know
That you want me.

You do not see me.
You do now know me.
Some day you will know and
If I don't match up to your vision
Then you might throw me away.

It is not that I judge your judgement.
It is of you and thus part of what I admire,
But I just don't believe
That when you finally see me
That I am something you would ever want.
Even though I admire.
Even though I want.

And how could I aspire to mess up
The thing I wish for
And desire.
Just sayin'.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

I don't know

I am pushed and torn
And feel the things
And I feel all of the things
And I need to tell you
And I need to tell you
But I don't know
I don't know what
I feel so much
And I must tell it
But. I. Do. Not. Know.

Sunday, December 13, 2015


When the sun went below
The horizon it seemed as if
It might never come again
Never come again.

Hearts  darkened and shrank
Spirits quivered.

And in the midst of terror
Came a light
Came a light
And love happened.

Eyes crept open
Spirits crushed unfolded
Hope arose.
Hope arose.

Monday, December 7, 2015

Just right

I hardly know her
Smart girl
Studying in school,
But my eyes are so
Content to joy her
Across the room
Her solid competence
Her surety
The way she perfects
The simplest of tasks.
All with good personing
Audio girl.

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Double Sided Tape

I kept being distracted across the room —
Because — her top kept slipping off one shoulder
And when she turned her back
She was low-cut bare to the waist so I knew
That there was no bra and
That she must have the most perfect
Breasts I could ever imagine, and
I know her. She serves me coffee. And
I am feeling really really uncomfortable
Imagining the shapes of her breasts and
I came in here to drink some damn coffee and
Read my book and do some people watching
And now, every time I look up there goes that strap
And nothing sags at all and
Just stop looking! And I look everywhere and
I look anywhere else and
Crap, I can't focus on the damn book any more and
She is just the nicest kid and why?
I don't think I'll ever be able to look her in the face again.
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