A Strange Change Day

I told my therapist that
I cut last night and
Then I cut again and
I didn't know why.

All the last month things were bad.
I hurt. I triggered. I depressed darkly,
And all that time I wondered
Why I didn't cut.

That's what I do when things are hard.
I cut cut cut and it helps me.
But when it was bad all last month, no.
And now things are better and cut cut cut.

So. Walking home from the therapist
I eat and get a beer or two and
Walking home I keep seeing great
Attractive women and thinking

I should get a girlfriend.
I should get a girlfriend.
This is such a shift. I never believe
In the possibility of that.

I think that they won't want me
If they knew who I was they would
Be horrified. That they couldn't
Ever ever ever want me.

Now all of a sudden I think that
I should get a girlfriend?
Just like that?
That is so confusing.

Who am I?
Es tan extraño.
No puedo comprender.
Claro, que barbaro.

The last three lines in Spanish mean that It is so strange -- I can't understand -- Clearly, how barbaric, with the last having the sense that it is outside the normal realm of understanding.