Wednesday, December 16, 2015

You're Black

I think you are so attractive.
I want you.
I see that you see yourself as black
And that you see yourself as woman
You couldn't possibly do else
I I celebrate that because it is
The you that is you that I want,
I like you.
But I worry.

I don't see you that way.
You are not a thing.
You are not a category.
You are the you that is you to me, but

Will you be able to see me?
Will you be able to see the like in me?
Will you see the admiration in me?
Or will that be coloured by
Your perception of me as white and you as black?
Me as old, you as young.

Image of me, image of you,
Instead of the you and the me
That is in front of you.

The whole world has conspired to make you feel that way.

I think you are so attractive.
I think you are perceptive and smart
I think that having _you_ see, really _see_ me
Would be something really important to me
But here's my fear -- that your pain at the way
The world has treated you all your life
Will shape the way you see me and see you.

You act like you want me, but
We are not of an age
We're in a bar
I am drunk
And so are you.

I am white, you are black.
It is heady for you that I treat you as
I treat any other human
(Isn't that sad that that would seem strange to you?)

You have a good opinion of me because I'm not a dick.
But thinking about how great you think I am will not
Make make up for not knowing a damn thing about me.

I do not believe.
I can not believe
That if you knew the me that is me,
That you would really care.

I _can not_ believe.
No one has _ever_ tried to _really_
Change  my mind.
So it can not be true.

I don't have any judgement of you
Because you have a judgement of me
And of you, but
I do have trouble seeing how you can know
That you want me.

You do not see me.
You do now know me.
Some day you will know and
If I don't match up to your vision
Then you might throw me away.

It is not that I judge your judgement.
It is of you and thus part of what I admire,
But I just don't believe
That when you finally see me
That I am something you would ever want.
Even though I admire.
Even though I want.

And how could I aspire to mess up
The thing I wish for
And desire.
Just sayin'.

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