Mentally Ill

I like to say I am mentally ill
It's a package. Nice and clean.
Nicer than saying being beaten
As a tiny toddler boy taught me
Such HATRED for myself
Such powerful HATRED for myself
Hatred hatred hatred
That half a century later
I am still driven by it.
I still feel the burn of the belt.
Beaten beaten beaten
I still feel it realer than you
It is realer than you
You are nothing to my hate
Of me.
So I like to say I am mentally ill
It is nicer than what is real
What is real
What is real
I don't know
Mentally ill.