I've made, perhaps, a terrible mistake.
In my youth, fleeing from trauma,
I embraced thoughtless meditation.
I extended periods of thoughtlessness
From moments to minutes to hours.
Oh, what a great meditator I was.
That was my story.
It may have saved my life.
The respite from pain kept me alive.
It is not mindfulness though.
It is mindlessness, non-becoming.
Instead of equanimity
Imbalance.
Now I am trying to get back to
Awareness in a sit.
All that work to be undone.
Weird.
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