Sunday, September 14, 2014

Not Worthy By Half

It would be so simple
If I were just victim.
I mean I am. I am victim.
I am abused. I am broken.
My PTSD damages me
Right to this day.

But sadly. But unfortunately.
I have also damaged other people.
I have been the bad guy too.
It makes me feel that I don't get to
Get well.
It makes me feel that I don't deserve to
Get well.
It makes me think, "Who do I think I am?"
And not get well.

Just like I am broken, there are people
In this world. Broken. Because of me.
How can I complain about my abuse,
About being whipped with a strap
Until I had welts and bled,
About being abused sexually by those I loved,
When I didn't get better quickly enough and
I broke people too.

I didn't get better quickly enough and
I broke people too.

I am so mad at myself.
I hate myself so much.
I am so horrible.
I don't know how
To let myself get better.
I don't think I deserve to.

1 comment:

  1. That’s a very meaningful poem written by a person with different emotions and experiences. I understand the feeling of being a victim, and all the emotions it entails. However, you should take all those experiences positively and live your life to the fullest. You are blessed to be surrounded by the people who love you, and you should always remember that you are worthy to love and be loved. Thanks for sharing that, Patrick! All the best to you!

    Stephanie Waters @ Chastaine Law

    ReplyDelete