Thursday, September 21, 2017

Somebody To Love

Can somebody find me somebody to love
I loved a girl and she loved a girl and she broke up all of my heart
And I've got to say can't somebody, can't somebody, can't somebody
Find me someone to love?

Anyway -- As you wish, I love you still

I still love my baby mama, she threw me over forty years ago
She wanted a party life and fast women and I was slow
And she had to find what could make a life so fine
And I was just an obstacle on her way to climb to a
Better life without me and still after all of these years
I want to know,
Can't somebody, can't somebody, can't somebody
Find me someone to love?

Monday, August 28, 2017

Friday, August 25, 2017

In Dream

It all came together in the
Beginning Videography
Course this Summer

Supposed to do a character short
And I made up a sort of me
A truthful me
A me who wanted to skateboard
From age thirteen to sixty-two

A me who wants to do YouTube
Videos for the love and adoration
Of ALL -- Skateboarding videos

A fictional me that thought he could
Get wealthy and famous and buy
Lamborghinis
But he couldn't skate

It was my excuse -- finally to
Buy a skateboard and under the
Gaze of the lens unbox and start
To learn.

The class is weeks gone and still
Timidly
Determindly
I skateboard
I fall
I skate
I get X-Rays
I skate:)

Friday, August 18, 2017

In This Room

In this room
I do tiny scared freaked out and do anyway
I do Buddhism and other delights
I do creativity with
        Music
        Drawing
        Color
        Layout
        Design
        Font choice
        Software
        Fabric
        Metal
        Food
        Words -- so many words
        Words of poetry
        Words of story
        Words of explain
In this room I do yoga
In this room I read
        Stories and
        Stuff about
I do juggling
I do integrity so I must say
I do self harm but
I do a lot of self love
I do medication for mental illness
I do tears
I do rioteous laughter (yes alone)
I do alone

Monday, July 17, 2017

Scars are Beautiful

Your scars are beautiful
They're part of who you are
Your scars are beautiful
They go with you so far

They keep you centered and
They keep you in the now
They chill the pain and they
Make you see just how

You are here right now you
Suffer but you know
That you still've got a chance
To make it even though

Your heart is full of pain and
You don't know if you'll make it through the day
You suffer every day
But every day there's a ray

Of hope and beauty shining
Through your life and
I support you when the best you can
Do is cut to live to make your stand

I support you.

(This poem, while heartfelt, is pretty horrible. Don't judge. I know.)

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Kindle

Set me on fire, oh
How I want to feel love, my
Quotidian life is
Bringing me down

Make it a blaze, I'll
Come for you, strong,
Passionate,
Desirous
Needing

Maybe we'll burn in the flame.

I See You

I'm sorry, nine-thirty at night you're
Walking on a semi-dark street and
Out I come fresh from my sangha
Happy that everything is put away and
I'm free to go and I see you flinch

Young. Woman. Alone. And. Here
Pops out a big man (sounds nicer than fat)
And I see you flinch and hesitate and my
Heart breaks for you. I wish you could feel safe.
I know you are right. That's survival instinct.

The neighborhood is not that nice even
Though I just came out of a First Unitarian
Universalist Church building. Nineteenth
Century Historic Landmark but
You don't know that. Go with love.

Namaste

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

A Bullet To The Heart

She takes care of everyone
She holds and cherishes
And buys the shot and
Just wants
She just wants
She hurts
She can't take care of everyone and
That is a bullet through her heart
A compass rose leading to redemption
She redeems our souls.
She redeems our souls.
She is a goddess
A goddess on
A goddess on Earth
We all worship her.

Have to Find It

There's such a balance here --

Some, to me, make words
Insipid -- Uninteresting --
Amateurist??? (My word)

That sounds bold and
Mean. Doesn't it? But wait!
I don't mean it. I know
That when I judge a poem the
Harshest -- the universe will
Always flock and shower praise
On it -- soaking it's roots, helping me
To see that it is only me. I do not have
Clear vision. If you can love a poem, I
Need to learn, (I NEED IT)
How to stand where
You stand and learn to look at it again and
Find a love of more words
More words
More words
It's humbling
I want to be humble







Love you

Funambulist

Oh! Fun --
ambulatory --
funambulist
What a crazy great name for a
Tightrope walker. When I sit and
I don't think and
I aware at my -- I don't know
My being?
My -- could it be my aware?
Can I aware at my aware?
That's exactly when I
Feel like I'm walking on
A tightrope
Full of awareness
Only a misstep from
Avoiding waking up.
Such a marvel
Finding the way
Step by step
To freedom

Multitudes

I hate to assert copyright on my poetry
It is yours and mine and
The worlds. I
Didn't write it I
Found it
There it was
Waiting, poor baby
I pick it up and cuddle and
Stroke and love it and
I never want it to be alone
Oh -- it's purring!
Will you care for it?
You can take it, even
Say it is yours
I can find a multitude more

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Karen Slays Me

I see that Karen posts a poem - sonnet
And Oh, my heart leaps, it's so exciting
She used enjambment and slant rhyme to get
A perfect poem, a passionate poem, a read

Of spell and stillness and ravished spirit
A conceit, spellbound as sudden passion
Images of scent and sight and sound get
Almost too powerful - such sensation stuns

Me, agonizing alliteration
Like all device brings me to sudden tears
Such joy fills my heart I barely think when
I read, reread, ponder, and drink my beer

And sigh, undone, I'm slain by her power
I sip the poem and then my beer and purr

Monday, May 1, 2017

Too Much Support? So hard

There were all these people who
Wanted to support me with backpacks
That represented folks like me who died
Because I don't know. Who knows?

They killed themselves exactly as
I sometimes want to and that was HARD
but there were also people who much
To my amazement did not want to guilt me

Because I am who I am. Maybe you should
Know that guilting someone who is at risk for
Suicide is not helping at all -- it is hurting and
Risking and -- killing and

If someone is suicidal, how could you think that
Telling them about how they would hurt those that
Are left behind would -- what make things better?
You judge and hurt and make things worse. Are you

Trying to help? That is the opposite of skillful. You
Are judging and harming and shaming someone who
Is already suffering and is thinking that, it would be
Compassionate to lay the burden down and to pass away.

But these people really help. They
See me. They accept me. They know that I might die
But it is not because I am in some way wanting to
Harm others -- It is because am mentally ill. I suffer.

They see me. They see me.
Thank you.
Thank you.
If I die still -- thank you.

Why would you make it about you -- about
How my suicide would affect you -- how
My sifting down to death would somehow be
Something about you. -- Something about you.

Let it go. It doesn't concern you. If you
Can't help then, PLEASE don't make things so much worse
Please don't hurt me -- it doesn't have anything to do with you
At all. I am mentally ill. I am mentally ill.

Let it go.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Where Am I?

Walking down the street
I smile at all I meet
Saying Hi! How you Doin'?
Like them shoes!

People's faces light up
Happy to be seen. To be
Recognized. To be
Admired. Oh how happy.

Inside I nearly die. I'm
Struggling on. And I'm
Hoping to get home before I
Start to cry, and I

See their faces, their
Happy faces and I
Wonder how many want to
Cry like me

Saturday, April 15, 2017

drunk jeans

You know when you're drunk
And you are trying to smoothly
Remove your jeans
Quickly sliding off one leg
And then another
And sometimes you have
To quickly put one or the other
Or both legs quickly down?
(Don't fall!)
And you are trying to make a
Good impression even if you
Are the only person in the room?

Yeah
Me too

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Bodhisattava

 #PHOTOPROMPT44MLKJr.
Martin Luthor King was killed on April 4, 1968. Now 49 years later I think of him and how he changed and how he didn't change things.





Martin decided to be the change that he wanted to see in the world, like Ghandi. He believed that hatred does not defeat hatred, that violence does not bring peace. Along the way he met the Vietnamese Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hahn, just two times, but between them they shared a sense of each other's holiness and a shared vision. The year after Martin received the Nobel Peace prize, he nominated Thich Nhat Hanh for the prize. In Vietnam, Martin is considered a bodhisattva, a Buddhist term for someone who has woken up, who has achieved enlightenment, and chooses to devote their life to helping all other beings awaken.
Martin Luther King and Thich Nhat Hanh
Bodhisattva 
Martin worked to end
The bonds of racism
The scourge of hatred
And bring
Us closer
To a world
Where all men
Could be free. 


The work isn't done. There is still hatred and division and judgment, but there are also people inspired by MLK to continue to work for peace.

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Isn't It Odd?



Isn't it odd how
You can see a stranger
Across a room
And feel such tenderness
Feel such love
Feel such compassion
As if they are yours?

Monday, January 16, 2017

MMA Buddhism vs Magical Truth

Sometimes it seems that the touch of maze
Gloss, freedom, marriage, daemonhood is
More than the touch of today -- now -- is.

I am torn between delight in the power of myth
Of love, of heritage, of the power of mage
Mythology, irish, scottish, welsh, truth at large

And is, now, no story, being without delusion
Without story, true to now, without extra
Descriptions of something that doesn't exist

Do I reject the loss of mystery and mythos
Or reject the delusion of nothingness and story
Or can I join them into love and magic and truth

I don't know
I can't choose
Love and myth and delusion

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Flying

People flying
Out they go
Flying out
Flying out they go

Out they go
We see their
Encountering

Out they go
Out they go
Love. Out they go
Out they go.

So Sorry

I see that you like him
But for him it is more.

You want to be what he
Needs or wants or –
I don't know ...

I really don't know, but he
Isn't the thing that you need
And you like him and
You wish that you
Were everything he thinks he sees but
No!

Even if you
Want to be what he wants
You aren't.
Sorry. So sorry.
So sorry.

Wish you could
Feel
What he wants.
But that wouldn't be you.
Would it?

Heart

So many folk in a bar
All with their particular motive
But all the same.

See me. Know me. Love me.

I am the same.

I want to be seen.
I want to be admired.
I want to love, to be loved.

Beautiful lesbians –
Love me.
Artists –
Love me.
Sports fanatics –
Love me.

We are all the same.
Lost on our own,
Needing reflection.

See me
Admire me
Love me

Now!

Please.

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Oh, What a Lucky Man

He had white horses and ladies by the score
All dressed in satin and waiting by the door
Ooh, what a lucky man he was
Ooh, what a lucky man he was
He said money and success weren't
The measure of a life but that if he touched
One person's heart he was satisfied
So Emerson he went and cancer gripped Lake
He struggled for nine months and birthed death
So here we are
Lost in fear life death life death
A sick perverse man for president
Despair so easy, oh, so easy but
The truth is that we have now, today
Have I touched someone now in any way
I don't want to get to my end, or
The end of the Trump's term and
Realize I didn't live, I waited, I dreamed
Lost in the past and the future and
The only place I could live could act --
The now, was abandoned by me.
You see Greg Lake acted, and created
And cared and worked for others and
Oh, what a lucky man he was
Oh what a lucky man you are
Oh what lucky men we are
Ooh, what a lucky man he was



Thursday, November 10, 2016

#therevolutioncontinues

Woke up yesterday and for realz
Mentally ill here
I thought to kill myself

But sometimes so much despair out there
Means we've got to pull it together in here
So I started to rally. Fuck that shit.
They're not worth my down.

Then today high school kids cut school
No KKK No Hate In The USA No Trump
No KKK No Hate In The USA No Trump

They made me so happy I cried
I mean gasping couldn't catch my breath
Turned red and sobbed on the street cried

It's going to be alright, y'all
We've got this.
I've got you.
You've got me.
We've got them.

The revolution continues.
¡Viva la revolucion!
¡Viva la revolucion!
¡Viva la revolucion!

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Some of us -- Invisible

Some of us were always invisible
Some of us made no impression
Teachers just ignored us
We were doing pretty well and

If something seemed a bit off --
Well it was easier to just ignore it
Wasn't it
No problem there.

Not one teacher ever reached out to me
Not one teacher ever tried to solve me
Not one teacher ever saw my pain
Or if they did it was just easier to
Turn just part away.

I suffered. Abused. Horrific. Marks.
No one asked. No one talked to me.
If they had I would have burst in tears
If they had I might have started redemption
If they had I might not be suicidal at sixty one

Some of us were always invisible
Some of us made no impression
Some of us were just ignored
We seemed to be doing pretty well

Some of us weren't

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Angels on the Sidewalks



Blessed are the poor — the angels among us.
Blessed they sleep on  cardboard
Blessed is the smell of their urine
They have no place to go

Blessed are the children
Raised among poverty
Homelessness
Drug addiction
Alcoholism.

Blessed are the passed out
With syringe in arm or fallen bottle beside
They flee the pain for all of us
Soaking up our pain
And numbing it

Blessed are my sisters
Blessed are my brothers
Blessed are they when the cops roust them
Moving them along so the better off don't see.
Blest are they.

Blessed is the community
The watching out for one another
Blessed is the shamed theft of another
Victim's scanty wealth
Blessed are they both

You are walking by them
You are walking by them
You are walking by them
And they are angels on the sidewalk
Sacrifices to the rush to wealth.

They are your brothers
They are your sisters
They are your cousins and aunts and uncles
They are your family
They are angels among us

Blessed be.
Blessed be.
Blessed be.
Blessed be.

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Walk Right By

You always see them –
Walk right by the line
Startled by
The locked door
Thought only they
Were waiting for
The bathroom.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Baby in Stroller

Kicking legs awave
A baby is filled with glee
The world going by

Undercover

Two undercover cops
Handcuff two guys
Across from Philz

Oh such excitement
The coffee shop buzzes
People peer through the glass

Exotic aquarium

Gold iPhone

She sits
Drinking coffee
Like everyone else
Touching her phone
But she has the
Gold iPhone case.
Miss fabulous.

Saturday, April 2, 2016

Karen

She writes to the pulse
To the beat with the
Words coming naturally.
Muse speaking freely
In beautiful verse.

I love
To think
About the
Lengths of
The lines and
The shapes
That they
Make -- Poetry

Friday, April 1, 2016

NaPoWriMo

Today's the day
Not April Fools
A different day --
Of Fools
Driven mad by the goddess
And striving just to get the
Poetry spewed -- enscribed
Before it slipperies back into the
Stream
And a different fool
Gets to
Dive for it.

Friday, March 18, 2016

Someone Tonight

Someone tonight told me
That they would drop by and
Spend some time with me.
They seemed to be saying

That they thought I was interesting.
But that wasn't true. They
Didn't show up they
Left me high and dry.

I don't quite get it. I'm
Pretty straightforward, I
Tell people what I mean and
Am lost when they deceive.

Why would they say that they
Want to be with me when,
It turns out that they choose to
Drop me to the side.

A Strange Change Day

I told my therapist that
I cut last night and
Then I cut again and
I didn't know why.

All the last month things were bad.
I hurt. I triggered. I depressed darkly,
And all that time I wondered
Why I didn't cut.

That's what I do when things are hard.
I cut cut cut and it helps me.
But when it was bad all last month, no.
And now things are better and cut cut cut.

So. Walking home from the therapist
I eat and get a beer or two and
Walking home I keep seeing great
Attractive women and thinking

I should get a girlfriend.
I should get a girlfriend.
This is such a shift. I never believe
In the possibility of that.

I think that they won't want me
If they knew who I was they would
Be horrified. That they couldn't
Ever ever ever want me.

Now all of a sudden I think that
I should get a girlfriend?
Just like that?
That is so confusing.

Who am I?
Es tan extra├▒o.
No puedo comprender.
Claro, que barbaro.

The last three lines in Spanish mean that It is so strange -- I can't understand -- Clearly, how barbaric, with the last having the sense that it is outside the normal realm of understanding.

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

She Loves She

 
Now sad the other way
She, enamoured,
Stars in her eyes.

The other unaware
Shares pics of cute guys
Never seeing the pain.

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

The Victim

So sure you're the victim
You push and push
Obnoxious
Cruel
Telling everyone that
They are victimizing you.

They leave angered
They leave in disdain

You are sure that proves -- something

The FBI comes and you defend yourself.

Now you are dead.

Friday, January 22, 2016

Buddha Wants Us

The Buddha wants us to
The Buddha wants us to
See the people
See them
In the tenderloin
And let go of our stories

Now.
See them.
Homeless or
Drug addicted or
Drunk drunk drunk and

They are our sisters
They are our brothers
They are in such pain how
Can we pass them and
Not see.
Not see.

The Buddha wants us to
Let go -------- of delusion
They are not different
They are like us
Can you hope looking at them?
Neither -- can they.

Find it.
Find it for them.
See them
Exactly as
They are
There is hope -- hope

Corn Dog Days

 
Back to my childlike
Simple days.
No worries just eat
Oh! Such a gift
A dog and
Corn! bread and
Stick-like love.
It's back to my childlike
Simple days
Simple love
Missing you
Corn dog
Missing you
And you

Thursday, January 21, 2016

A Poem For Drinkers

Sometimes when drinking it goes awry
And you can just see that there is not a point,
That if you keep drinking it will acrid and
Weird sober and maybe hangoverish while still drinking.

Other times it is cool -- drink for drink
Take me to soft cushy happy drunk
And I like it, it is why I have been drinking
And I will have no complaint.

But -- nicely, and occasionally (but) rarely
There are times that start out to be the first
And quite to my (your) (our) surprise
Sneak over to it is ok after all.

I like that.
It is out of focus
The pain is muted
And I can not complain

Friday, January 15, 2016

Oh it hurts so

When people I care for yo
Show up at my bar though
I do not expect them
And they tell me how much they love
Seeing myself though
And then when they go to
The next bar and
They do not ask me to go
And -- I feel like nothing yo.
I feel like nothing yo.
I am nothing.
I am exactly nothing
To them.
I do not matter.
At all.
Truth.
I die.

Saturday, January 9, 2016

Crush the Smart Girl

Some times I crush.
Someone is smart
And creative and
Blond and
Nice and
Pretty and
I crush on all of that, but --
I don't expect that --
They will also find that --
I am attractive in
The least.
Lonely is.

Lonely Self

Here's the thing.
When I/you admire someone
It seems like a connection,
But it is not.
It is not.
Liking them is not them liking me
(Or you) and thinking it is
Is what leads us to creepy stalking.
So.
I like her. (Won't name her.)
But. I will not think, (pretty sure not),
That she likes me.
One does not imply the other.
That is sad.
I really like her.
I will just
Lonely be.I will just
Lonely be.

Oh. Such fear

I see that she wants to
Risk and talk to.
I want to too.
But if she doesn't dare
I can not give to her
Her boldness
Her balls
I want to, but
My heart
Is not her heart.
She has to stand up.
If she doesn't will,
Then I will not will
Sorry. She lacks.

Your Annoying Self

Someone told her that
That poem was about her
And push and pull
She sends someone
She wants to see
The poem about her.
No. Ask for yourself
Don't send emissaries.
I don't care enough about
Your annoying self
To gift you poem.

Chinese Girl

Walks with grandpa
He is to her
As she is to him
Family.
And I yearn.

Loud

Loud loud woman in the bar
Woooooohhhttttttt!
Fuckin everything is exciting
Made a shuffle board play.
Saw a scene on TV
Someone walks in the door.
Just
Shut
The
Fuck
Up.
But.
Something in me
Wants
To take her.

Friday, January 8, 2016

Drunk Time

There is a thing, a drinking thing
Where -- as you drink more and feel --
The bliss that grows, it is pretty nice.

I don't mean the other thing where
The more drinking makes more feeling
Sober (though drunk test would bely).

I mean the happy thing. The thing that
Happens sometimes. The thing that makes
Us at such risk for alcoholism, (at such risk).

I guess all of this is to say that I
Like this thing and wish that it were the
Thing that always showed up when I drank.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Out of Place

Much homesickness
Suddenly and unexpectedly
Guts me
Guts me
Missing what?
Scrub?
Brush?
Mexican food?
People who
Share my experience?

That's it.
I think I miss my life
Even though I
Do not want
To leave here.
I want and
Do not want
All now.

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

There Are Places

There are places
That I show up
Only when drunk.
Like a combination
Taco Bell and KFC.

They do not judge.
They accept me.
They know that I only
Show up when I am drunk
And they welcome me.
They treat me like a human being
And I love them.
I love them.

Sometimes I See

Sometimes my admiration
Of a woman is flavoured by
My realization that, although
They pretend to not know
That I am looking at them,
They know.

I met a guy

He was a worker
Low level
Worked for the building – Logan
Instead of the businesses
In the building
Sweeping the sidewalk
A stand up guy.
A stand up guy.

Sometimes

Sometimes I see people
That are culturally similar
So they imagine that
They should be together
And I hope that
Their worldview
Is broad enough
That they can see that
It is possible too
Serve themselves.

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Some Times

Sometimes women let me know
That they think that we should
Hook up.

They see something in me.
They think that we are a fit.

But my belief is,
Built on all of my experience,

Is that when they know me,
They will throw me away.

They will throw me away.

You can imagine that,
Based on that,

I have no willingness to try.
I have no willingness to try.

Risk Is A Struggle

You give to me you curriculum vitae:
You take care of the homeless
You have a good good heart.

But still I struggle
    To chance,
        To risk.

I do not know you,
And a lifetime of all my taken risks
Has taught me that no one really cares
And that everyone lies.

If my struggle to trust and to believe
Is too much for you to bear,
If it is too hard,
I am not surprised.

Go with my blessing.
Go with my blessing.
Bless you.
Good bye.

I don't know how
To be other than I am.

Friday, December 25, 2015

Christmas Cheer

Trying to endure
This bleak bleak day
Nothing to do.
Everything is closed.
Nowhere to go.
My four walls crush me
Barely existing.
Bare -- ly

        I hope I don't cut.

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

They Do Matter

I just heard someone say
That Black Lives Matter protesters
Were idiots because their protests
Inconvenience people.
They went on to say that the
Protests also sometimes get
Violent.

I felt like I had suffered
Violence just hearing that.

Blacks are really killed
And beat up
And arrested
All unjustly
Not rarely, or
On occasion, or
It has happened, but
All of the time.
All of the time.

For real.
Get your head out.
Growing up black in America
Means that people treat you
How they want and get
Away with it.
If you don't believe that
Then you are blind.
And also an idiot.

And violence at protests?
Yes, some white supremacists
Opened fire on some peaceful
Black Lives Matter protesters
In Minneapolis who had
The temerity to be protesting
The shooting of young
Jamar Clark who police shot
And killed
Some say
While he wore handcuffs.

The white supremacists
Shot the protesters
Next to the police station.
The police responded by macing
Protesters who were giving
First aid to the shooting victims.

So if you are inconvenienced
By the protests
I hope that you will stop
And listen
And wake up
And say no.
Not in my America.
We stand for something
Better than that here.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Oh.

Hurt
Hurt
Hurt
Possible no
Oh, how I wish
Possible
No.

Purity

I worry too much
About the rightness of what I do
And then a woman
Maybe she's crazy

Or

Maybe not and
With her umbrella crosswise out
She goes by and
I have to laugh at myself

She knows appearance is
Naught.
She knows
And my worry sleeps.

Two Women

To see two women

And to see the one –
Larger than life
And to need the other –
Just need her to be mine

And to know the one
Too much for me,
And to know myself
Too little for the other

That is such a lonely thing
A thing of deep felt pain
And still, and still,
How grand to have seen them.

I don't regret.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

I Need

To belong in truth
And right.
And to believe that
Peace has a chance
That we can do it.
I need too.
That there is a better
In everyone.
In everyone.
Yes you party girl.
That you are also deep.
That something is more important
Than drunken bar time hookup.
That justice can be had
That people are good.
That we can be inspired.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

You're Black

I think you are so attractive.
I want you.
I see that you see yourself as black
And that you see yourself as woman
You couldn't possibly do else
I I celebrate that because it is
The you that is you that I want,
I like you.
But I worry.

I don't see you that way.
You are not a thing.
You are not a category.
You are the you that is you to me, but

Will you be able to see me?
Will you be able to see the like in me?
Will you see the admiration in me?
Or will that be coloured by
Your perception of me as white and you as black?
Me as old, you as young.

Image of me, image of you,
Instead of the you and the me
That is in front of you.

The whole world has conspired to make you feel that way.

I think you are so attractive.
I think you are perceptive and smart
I think that having _you_ see, really _see_ me
Would be something really important to me
But here's my fear -- that your pain at the way
The world has treated you all your life
Will shape the way you see me and see you.

You act like you want me, but
We are not of an age
We're in a bar
I am drunk
And so are you.

I am white, you are black.
It is heady for you that I treat you as
I treat any other human
(Isn't that sad that that would seem strange to you?)

You have a good opinion of me because I'm not a dick.
But thinking about how great you think I am will not
Make make up for not knowing a damn thing about me.

I do not believe.
I can not believe
That if you knew the me that is me,
That you would really care.

I _can not_ believe.
No one has _ever_ tried to _really_
Change  my mind.
So it can not be true.

I don't have any judgement of you
Because you have a judgement of me
And of you, but
I do have trouble seeing how you can know
That you want me.

You do not see me.
You do now know me.
Some day you will know and
If I don't match up to your vision
Then you might throw me away.

It is not that I judge your judgement.
It is of you and thus part of what I admire,
But I just don't believe
That when you finally see me
That I am something you would ever want.
Even though I admire.
Even though I want.

And how could I aspire to mess up
The thing I wish for
And desire.
Just sayin'.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

I don't know

I am pushed and torn
And feel the things
And I feel all of the things
And I need to tell you
And I need to tell you
But I don't know
I don't know what
I feel so much
And I must tell it
But. I. Do. Not. Know.

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Light

When the sun went below
The horizon it seemed as if
It might never come again
Never come again.

Hearts  darkened and shrank
Spirits quivered.

And in the midst of terror
Came a light
Came a light
And love happened.

Eyes crept open
Spirits crushed unfolded
Hope arose.
Hope arose.

Monday, December 7, 2015

Just right

I hardly know her
Smart girl
Barista
Studying in school,
But my eyes are so
Content to joy her
Across the room
Her solid competence
Her surety
The way she perfects
The simplest of tasks.
All with good personing
Audio girl.

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Double Sided Tape

 
I kept being distracted across the room —
Because — her top kept slipping off one shoulder
And when she turned her back
She was low-cut bare to the waist so I knew
That there was no bra and
That she must have the most perfect
Breasts I could ever imagine, and
I know her. She serves me coffee. And
I am feeling really really uncomfortable
Imagining the shapes of her breasts and
I came in here to drink some damn coffee and
Read my book and do some people watching
And now, every time I look up there goes that strap
And nothing sags at all and
Just stop looking! And I look everywhere and
I look anywhere else and
Crap, I can't focus on the damn book any more and
She is just the nicest kid and why?
I don't think I'll ever be able to look her in the face again.
Show less
1

Friday, November 27, 2015

Good After Another

Reading other's poems
And wondering
Am I a slacker?
They write poems
Good after another

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

You Out There?

Each of us

                           An island


Of conciousness.

I don't understand

                               How it's possible
           To                                                        communicate

Saturday, November 21, 2015

I See Her

I see her on her first date
And I see her decide that she
Will give it a shot and that
She will not react to me.
Will not react to me.
And I honour her and
Take such joy from the fact
That she had to decide that.
She saw something in me
That made her have to choose.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

The Open Mike - Voz Sin Tinta

She stood, impassioned
And, (by memory!) seized
Our imaginations and then
Our very souls.

I had to follow that!

So I said, as we do, that
I had mine not by memory
(Though I did have my smart phone).
It is a tradition you see.

Then she, not even knowing
Of my worship,
Said that it was ok because
I have green in my  hair.

Well! I hadn't even started reading
And already I was a hit.